FAQ’s

In conflict facilitation I bring an entirely different set of practices and principles than the typical conflict mediator, who works in a “neutral” style like a therapist or a partisan style like a lawyer. I take a very active role in connecting with all parties and getting to the heart of what each person wants and how they have been impacted by the conflict.

My approach focuses on partnering with everyone involved in the conflict, rigorously finding the root causes, and creatively arriving at workable solutions. I bring a systemic understanding that all of us have been shaped in different ways (and with disproportionate impacts) by our histories, relationships, cultures, and proximity to power and privilege, and each of our individual journeys will require different steps even as we move towards more collective healing and community. I help bring light to the unseen actions, beliefs, histories, and misunderstandings that led to a conflict, and create new practices and agreements that keep it from recurring.

Conflict facilitation unfolds differently for every conflict. Sessions might be conducted on Zoom or in-person, or a combination of both.

When possible I begin by speaking with each party separately to assess the conflict and discern the right moment to bring people together. Sometimes working separately is enough to restore the relationship.

Most often we move into joint dialogue where I very actively engage with each party and build your trust in me as a facilitator, so that I can bridge that trust between people who may have been very hurt or can’t see a pathway to repair. I look for the most restorative, workable outcomes and see what obstacles need to be addressed to get there. This is a creative process where I make sure that no one is “winning” and “losing” or giving up on their full needs and desires. I aim to restore as much trust and togetherness as possible, with an understanding that in rare occasions, a dignified ending to the relationship may be the chosen path.

The timeline varies, with some conflicts benefiting from just one session together and others needing more significant facilitation over months. I look to work as effectively and efficiently as possible within everyone’s capacity, taking care not to overstretch or burn out.

I work with anyone who is building a more regenerative way of living as we face enormous social & ecological predicaments and navigate this time of local and global transition. Whatever you are doing to build a workable future — activism, parenting, teaching, healing, farming, crafting, caretaking, or any other radical experimentation — I want to support you in staying sane and connected amidst increasing breakdown, burnout, separation, and collapse.

I offer conflict facilitation alongside my work as a somatic coach and bodyworker, group facilitator, and community builder. I spend much of my time as an associate member of the collective Greaterthan where I lead the internal conflict stewardship team and teach courses on Trauma-informed Collaboration, Liberating Structures, and Thriving Networks.

My conflict facilitation practice leans heavily on my ongoing study in the Weaving Togetherness Lab with Miki Kashtan, a visionary teacher and experimenter at the intersection of nonviolence and liberation. I also bring processes and practices from my training in somatics at Strozzi Institute, and my experience managing acclaimed bars and restaurants including Eleven Madison Park.

When I’m not doing all these fun things, you can find me hiking in the forest with my 2 year old, growing food, baking, dancing, and playing board games with neighbors. I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area and lived all over the US before landing in Durham in 2021.

Our collective capacity to engage with conflict — from the micro scale of our intimate partnerships to the global scale of nation-states — is tragically low. 

In schooling and work, we’ve been trained both to prioritize our individual performance and to conform to others’ expectations, which has left us largely unable to navigate relational challenges with full authenticity and mutuality. Most of us simply can’t give and receive honest feedback, make complex shared decisions, or bridge our different desires without dynamics of domination, control, separation, anger, fear, and shame. This is not an individual failure but an intergenerational collective loss.

To transform this thick mud of exhaustion, anxiety, and mistrust into a livable future, we need what my teacher Miki Kashtan calls “an army of facilitators.” With the support of a facilitator, you don’t need to try to solve conflicts while triggered or impacted yourself, get stuck in victim or enemy narratives, go to years of therapy, hire lawyers, or give up and walk away from vital relationships. A skilled conflict facilitator can bring a boost of capacity, care, and vision to get things flowing towards the best possible outcome for everyone.

In the spirit of a solidarity economy, I’m offering conflict facilitation to my community without a defined request for compensation. I welcome clients to offer a donation that honors the depth and difficulty of the work and is fully within their capacity to give.  I trust that people with financial resources and other forms of privilege will contribute at higher amounts, knowing that doing so helps make my support accessible to people with lower incomes and from marginalized identities.

I accept donations in cash, checks, and electronic transfers via Venmo, PayPal, Zelle, and Wise.